Smokes
by rry
Summary: Sirius is heart broken after Remus tells him something and Sirius realizes that sometime heart break must be put aside. SiriusRemus SBRL MWPP era. Oneshot


**Smokes**

Sirius has had a rather serious crush on one Remus Lupin for some time now; years, in fact, and about two to be more articulate. Which is why it now feels like two large, clawed hands are ripping out Sirius's heart and eating it; letting Sirius's warm blood flow down the werewolf's throat and hands, in between its finger and teeth. Little rivers of red as Sirius mentally falls back in to an ice cold, darker-than-pitch black abyss, unable to control himself as he stops breathing and his chest implodes painfully, filling the empty space where his heart was. And then he's smacked right back into his body, hyperventilating slightly, his face a mixture of pain and an odd sense betrayal.

Sirius knew at some point he'd have to give up his feelings for Remus, but he was an optimist at heart and always felt; _Well, maybe… If I'm nicer to him… Well, maybe… If I sit a little closer… _But he now saw how much of an idiot he was. It was written loud and clear in front of him that Remus was not interested.

They'd been passing notes in class and Remus had written he wanted to tell someone but only had Sirius to talk too. Sirius had simply written back he was trustworthy and Remus told him that… that…

And then Sirius's heart was gone and his hopes were massacred.

Sirius fled the classroom as quick as possible and avoided every one for the rest of the cold December day.

**Smokes**

Sirius sat a top the astronomy tower, staring up at the full moon; tears that he hadn't willed himself to shed yet sitting idly on his lower eyelids, shoulders hunched and back curved like a crescent, his hands between his knees, a cigarette between his freezing, boney middle and ring fingers of his left hand.

Sirius looked up slightly at the displeased howl he heard. He slowly raised the cigarette to his lips and took a deep drag. "Go away… damnit," Sirius muttered bitterly to the ground far beneath his feet as smoke issued from his mouth and nose. The constant chill was his only comfort as it pressed against his cheeks and face and neck.

"Should have brought a cloak, you idiot. …Shouldn't have fallen in love… idiot," Sirius mocked himself while shivering.

Another saddened howl echoed around him and Sirius had to squeeze his eyes shut to hold back tears, but it didn't help as a seemingly searing hot tear slid down his cheek at a rapid pace. This lone tear was soon followed by more, and more. Cascading and drenching, falling and soaking. Into his jumper, into his shirt, into his skin, and into the place his eaten heart once occupied. His throat clenched painfully as he tried to suppress a hic-up. His torso felt like it was being strung together with hard straps, an almost corset-like feeling. He cried harder at the immense feelings.

Sirius jerkily pulled the cigarette to his lips again and closely failed to inhale. Another sorrowful howl ripped through the darkness; another shiver ripped through Sirius.

Eyes wide slightly so as to see, Sirius looked down at the ground again. Blurred and messed up, but there, very, very far away though, a couple hundred feet maybe, maybe more.

Sirius stood shakily on the edge of the stone railing.

Pain, longing, fear, and uncertainty all mixed into one long, loud howl from the werewolf.

Sirius nearly slipped off the edge as the howl and a strong thought hit him. He was being selfish, damn selfish. He was in pain because of something so stupid! And Remus was in real pain, "A full fucking moon, you bastard! You say you love him and then leave him when he needs you the most! You idiot! You bastard!"

Sirius jumped off the railing and hurried towards the door as fast as he could. Almost falling or tripping, he made his way to the big oak doors. He was certain at sometimes that he'd get caught this late at night and get a detention or worse, but luck (for the moment) seemed to be with him. Sirius reached the oak doors and slipped through them quickly and quietly.

Changing into Padfoot he ran fast into the forest. Once a safe distance in, he stopped and howled for Moony. It didn't take long for the werewolf to respond, howling back. Moony was close. Padfoot darted off and after several seconds of the fastest running he's ever done, he found his friend.

A smile didn't appeared on their faces, but it showed in their eyes. Moony took off in one direction quickly and Padfoot darted after almost immediately.

Least he could do for now was be a good friend to those precious ones he had.

**Smokes**

FIN! Okay, not quite how I wanted it to turn out, but… okay. I got sad cause the guy I'm crushin' on likes my friend. The least I could do at a time like this was give a semi-happy ending!


End file.
